


Tourettes

by SophiexHorayne



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: AU, Caspar Lee - Freeform, Joe Sugg - Freeform, M/M, YouTube, tourettes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2018-11-21 12:44:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11357763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiexHorayne/pseuds/SophiexHorayne
Summary: "Can you fucking stop?" Joe snaps, looking up from his book and across at the blonde the other side of the table.Caspar stops, frowns, looking hurt, "I can't. I can't control it.""Oh, sorry." Joe says, suddenly feeling bad for being so rude."It's called Tourettes.""Okay, I guess, you may continue."XxXDisclaimer: I am NOT romanticising Tourettes in any way, that is not my intention. I just want to raise awareness for it because basically every fic forgets that this is a thing for Caspar. Secondly, yes, Caspar does have Tourettes, however I have never experienced it, I am not an expert on it at all and this is an au, so it will not be the same as Caspar's experience, and I might get some things incorrect (in which case please correct me x)





	1. It's Called Tourettes

**Author's Note:**

> / I am NOT romanticising Tourettes in any way, that is not my intention. I just want to raise awareness for it because basically every fic forgets that this is a thing for Caspar. Secondly, yes, Caspar does have Tourettes, however I have never experienced it, I am not an expert on it at all and this is an au, so it will not be the same as Caspar's experience, and I might get some things incorrect (in which case please correct me x) /
> 
> So yes, I am back with a new story, the beginning of a four(?) part series. It will probably be quite short, but I hope it works and is read and interpreted as I intend it too. More than anything, I hope you enjoy it.

Joe's breath fogs up his window, and he wipes it away with the sleeve of his hoodie, and continues staring out. It's raining today, lightly, but enough to soak you if you walk into town, which he needs to do.

The words on his laptop, his essay, are becoming blurred and impossible to read and his body aches from sitting in the same position for too long. He closes the computer and slides off his window sill, dumping the old thing on his bed before thumping down the stairs.

"Mum I'm going to the library." Joe says.

"You never go to the library." His mother, Tracey, replies, emerging from the lounge and raising an eye brow at her son, "A girl you're not telling me about?"

"No." Joe replies, frankly disturbed at the idea, "No I need to find more stuff in the civil rights movement, our teacher is crap."

"It's raining though, would you like me to drive you?" His mother asks.

"No it's fine I need the exercise and fresh air," He takes his raincoat from the coat rack by the door, "I have this anyway."

"Alright, take your phone, call me if you need picking up or something."

"Yes mum." Joe says, opening the door. The sound of torrential rain floods his ears and a waft of damp air rushes into the house. He puts up his coat hood, smiles at his mother and disappears into the rain outside. 

He slams the door behind him and shudders slightly. It's not far into town, to the library, not really, but in the rain it feels so much longer. He walks briskly, body hunched up as though avoiding the rain.

The wind has gotten up too, by the time he reaches the library, and heaves a sigh of relief as the automatic doors shut the typical British weather behind him. He flips off his hood and shakes his head, adapting himself to the warm and dry, and silence, of the library.

There are few people here, he can see three staff, and maybe four other people, but then there may be more beyond the miles of shelves before him.

"Good afternoon." One of the staff says to him with a smile.

Sometimes Joe wonders if library staff are slightly too friendly. 

"Hi." Joe replies timidly, "Um, have you got books on the civil rights, i-in America."

"Sure it will be in the non-fiction section, just to the far left down there- I can take you there-"

"It's okay I'm sure I'll find it." Joe says, "Thank you." 

He hurries off to the other side of the library where a couple rows of books scatter shelves, signs on each shelf labelled 'Non-Fiction'. It takes him a while to find the right section, and when he does, takes a couple of the books into his arms then looks around for a table. 

Perhaps there are more people than he thinks, but there is one free table, and he drops the books down with a loud thump that echoes through the building. A few people jump and Joe whispers an embarrassed sorry.

He then realises he should have bought a notepad or something to write in and goes to the front desk for paper. The person behind the desk eyes him curiously.

"Is it okay if I have some paper, and a pencil, I left mine at home and-"

She smiles, "Sure, help yourself," She hands him a pencil, "Please return the pencil though."

Joe nods, thanks her and walks back to his table, where he finds another boy, typing furiously on a laptop, one of Joe's civil rights books open beside him. Joe smiles softly and sits down opposite him, shrugging off his rain coat.

He recognises the boy opposite him, Caspar Lee. He started at his school last week, and he and Joe shared few classes, but history was one Joe noticed Caspar to be in, sitting at the back alone, if not by choice it was on the seating plan like that, so maybe the kid didn't like human contact of any sort. 

Joe hasn't looked at him, really. But he knows he has some kind of special needs or something. And Joe keeps well away from those kind of people. Looking at him now though, he looks normal, scowling at the computer, clicking a few buttons and then looking back at the book.

"Got some essay catch up too huh?" Joe whispers, catching the blonde's attention.

The kid hesitates, almost flinches his head in a weird manner before he nods properly, "The teacher isn't very good, the books help." He answers.

Joe laughs quietly, "We've had to deal with him for a year already and we're all failing."

"Luckily for me the teacher in my last school was good." Caspar answers, "South Africa taught slightly different stuff though."

"You come from South Africa?" Joe's voice raises a little and he feels scowls from other people nearby.

Caspar nods, and turns back to the book- an end to the conversation.

Joe finds it difficult to focus on the book, even in the silence and his notes are sparse and frankly pathetic. And Caspar keeps bobbing his head up and down, Joe can see it out the corner of his eyes. Occasionally he makes noises too, clicking or snorting. And Joe notices everyone else looking over too.

He shakes his head like a dog flicking off water, and it is now impossible to concentrate and to Joe, it's the last straw.

"Can you fucking stop?" Joe snaps, looking up from his book and across at the blonde the other side of the table.

Caspar stops, frowns, looking hurt, "I can't. I can't control it."

"Oh, sorry." Joe says, suddenly feeling bad for being so rude.

"It's called Tourettes."

"Okay, I guess, you may continue." 

Joe isn't sure if that's the right thing to say but Caspar doesn't want to respond anyway, he's reading the book again, head flinching every few seconds. Joe closes his eyes, remembers the kid can't help it, and looks down at the books again.

"Caspar." Joe whispers after a few minutes longer.

Caspar looks up at him, afraid of what he'll say.

"Can I have that book?" He gestures to the closed on beside Caspar.

"Oh, yeah." Caspar slides it over to him, "It has some good sources in it."

Joe nods. He looks at the picture sources, takes a few pictures on his phone of them, but Caspar's movements and noises make it hard for Joe to read the others, and he finds reading difficult at the best of times.

"Mate." The sound of the guy on a nearby table makes Joe jump. "Shut up."

It takes Joe all of a second to realise the man is talking to Caspar and he frowns, glances at his class mate who's unsure what to say.

"How about move if you don't like it?" Joe replies, glaring at the guy. He notices Caspar turn to him in confusion.

"This is a library. He should shut up." The guy snaps back.

"Whatever, I'm about done anyway." Caspar says, "Sorry to be a bother, I don't mean it." 

The guy just rolls his eyes and turns away, and Caspar closes his laptop and puts it in its case. Joe closes his books too, and stacks them back up.

"What are you doing?" Caspar whispers.

"Coming with you?" Joe says, posing it as a question.

"Why? You don't have to. I-in fact you shouldn't, I should leave and let you concentrate."

Joe shrugs, "We both have a history essay to write Caspar."

Caspar smiles then, and it is so soft and warm and it slows Joe's world for a moment, balances it. 

"Shall we take back the books- t-to the shelves?" Caspar says eventually, snapping out of whatever that even was.

Joe nods quickly, blushing, and picks up half the books, as Caspar gets the others. 

"You didn't have to stick up for me." Caspar whispers.

"He was a dick. Don't worry about it."

Caspar nods and puts the books back on the shelf, "Your name is Joe, right?"

Joe nods, "Yeah, Joe Sugg. You learn names quick huh?"

Caspar shrugs and leans a little against the shelf, "Not exactly but the entire school knows your name?"

"I wouldn't say that." Joe blushes. He didn't want to be the jerky popular right now.

"Take it from the newbie, the entire school knows who you are." Caspar assures him, "But if it makes it any better, or if you want your ego letting down a bit, the school is fucking tiny."

Joe laughs a little, getting a 'shhh' from one of the older librarians.

"You wanna grab a coffee or something?" Joe asks quietly.

"Is the Joe Sugg asking me out?" Caspar grins but then his head flicks up and down suddenly and he sighs, "Sorry."

"Caspar it's really fine." Joe says, "And so what if I were asking you out?" Joe blushes as the words he had spoken ring in his brain, "I mean, sorry you probably don't- I didn't mean it that way I-"

"If you were asking me out I'd be honoured. But let's just get coffee." Caspar says.

They go back to their table, Joe still feeling flushed, and put on their coats. Caspar gathers up his laptop and Joe stuffs his notes into his pocket. As they leave Joe hands the pencil back to the lady behind the front desk.

"Ready to face Britain?" Joe asks Caspar with a grin, pulling over his hood.

Caspar chuckles, "Does it always rain?"

"Pretty much." Joe replies as they walk out the doors, into the cold and the wet.

They speed walk down the road, cars splashing water on their trousers as they zip passed. Joe can hear Caspar whistling, and for some reason does not mind so much, in fact it brightens the mood entirely. He is also a lot taller than Joe, Caspar's lips at the perfect height to kiss Joe's nose (not that Joe thought about that).

When they reach their nearest cafe, a costa in the middle of the town, they bustle in through the door, taking in the heat and smell of coffee beans and freshly baked cookies. It's fairly busy, a queue to order that seemed to be moving slowly, and very few spare seats.

Caspar cracks his knuckles while they're in the queue, making Joe flinch. 

"Sorry, I just, get the urge to and-"

"Stop apologising. Cracking fingers just freaks me out a bit but you can't help it I understand."

"You do?" Caspar says.

"...Yeah?" Joe says, "It's not your fault."

Caspar smiles at him, so widely that Joe's breath catches. "That's not what most people think."

Joe smiles sadly in response and he wants to touch him but doesn't. They fall quiet as they wait for the queue to move. 

They order their drinks, paying for their own to save arguments and sit down at a table by the window. Caspar taps his fingers on the table, and Joe thinks perhaps it is more from nerves than anything else; perhaps.

"So, what do you think of our school?" Joe asks eventually.

Caspar shrugs, "It's good I guess, different to South Africa, definitely. And I miss my best friend but besides that it's good."

"Made any new friends?" 

Caspar shrugs, watches the raindrops on the window, "No one wants to be friends with someone that makes weird noises and movements for no reason."

"I do." Joe says.

Caspar laughs a little, "Maybe you do now, but you'll get annoyed eventually, or as soon as you go to school you'll be back with your friends and ignoring me."

"No I won't." He takes his phone from his pocket, opens 'new contact' and hands it to Caspar.

Caspar takes it shakily, types for a moment then hands it back. Joe smiles,

"Pineapple emoji?" He looks at the image next to Caspar's name.

He shrugs, "People thing my face is like a pineapple."

Joe laughs, "It actually kind of does."

/

"You know we should probably get going." Joe says, "The rain's slowed down a bit now."

"Yeah." Caspar says, looking kind of sadly out the window, "This afternoon was fun."

Joe looks at him. His side profile is perfect, jawline, hair, the corner of his lips and the dimple slightly showing. Joe watches him wrinkle his nose, like a rabbit and smiles softly. He thinks he could watch Caspar all day.

"Joe why are you staring at me?" Caspar's cheeks flush as he watches Joe grin in the reflection in the window.

"You're quite fascinating." Joe replies, watching Caspar's blush spread across his face.

"I'm really not." Caspar insists, fiddling anxiously with his empty paper cup. Joe watches him a little longer.

"Come on, we should go." Joe stands up from the table, noticing a lull in customers, only a few remaining in the cafe.

Caspar stands too, and they put their cups in the bin on the way out.

"So, besides essays for History, what do you like doing?" Joe asks, breaking the silence as they begin their walk home in the rain.

Caspar shrugs, "Sports, video games, I don't know."

"You gonna try out for the school football team?"

"Nah. No one will want me on their team."

"Why? I mean, Tourettes doesn't, affect how you play thought does it? I mean I don't know much about it but-"

"No sports is a good distraction from it, I forget about urges to make weird noises and whatever on the pitch but, the rest of the team doesn't know that."

"I'm on the team, I know that. I could talk to the others, if you want."

Caspar looks at Joe, the little strands of hair peering out from under his hood and dripping with raindrops. "You don't need to do that."

"Okay. But if you want to join you can." Joe says and Caspar nods.

"Um, my house is down here." Caspar gestures at the road on their left.

"Oh, okay." Joe smiles, a raindrop dripping off his nose, "I'll see you at school on Monday then. Or I'll text you."'

Caspar grins, his dimples making up for the lack of sunshine, "See ya!"

Joe is grinning, and his mind is singing, as he walks the rest of the way home.


	2. The New Kid?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caspar's in his maths class, sitting at the back, pressed against the wall, shying away from everyone. Joe is across the room, and he can't help glancing across at the blonde as he scrawls numbers in his book. Joe doesn't mind maths, it's easy, better than words and sentences and essays.

_Joe: Where did MLK say his 'I had a dream speech?_

_Caspar: 1: It's 1am_  
_2: ASK GOOGLE_

_Joe: I'm trying to make excuses to talk to u, just answer_

_Caspar: ITS 1AM_

_Joe: I can't sleep._

_Caspar: Well I'm tired_

_Joe: :(((_

_Caspar: See you at school tomoz_

_Joe: It's Sunday tomorrow_

_Caspar: No it's Sunday today technically_

_Caspar: Goodnight Joe_

_Joe: Fine goodnight ;)_

 

/

 

Sunday drags, weirdly, and Joe's head ends up burning after staring at the essay on his laptop for so long. He wishes he'd actually tried to take more notes at the library, and then he thinks of Caspar and he knows it wasn't Caspar's fault he can't take good notes. And then he thinks more about Caspar; his smile and his dimples clear in his mind, his accent, the slight way his head twitches, the blush on his cheeks, the way his fingers were wrapped round his coffee cup. Admittedly, Joe's gone to text him a couple of times, but he knows Caspar has way more to catch up on than he does, school wise, and he doesn't want to distract him, or bother him.

So instead he's staring lifelessly at half a page of ramblings, all jumbled and confusing in his head. Yeah he's probably going to fail history.

 

 

/

 

When Monday finally comes Joe gets ready quickly, adjusting his tie in the mirror and fixing his hair before he leaves, grabbing an apple from the kitchen. The weather is more pleasant in the morning, there's clouds cowering above him, and a wind slightly stronger than a breeze rustling past but, it's definitely better than Saturday.

It doesn't take long to reach the school- 10 minutes perhaps, and he heads upstairs to his locker. The corridors are generally quiet, and the sound of his key opening the locker echoes in the corridor. Halfway down the corridor another locker opens, and Joe can't help but smile as he watches Caspar take out a couple of books. He forgets how to breathe for a moment too. Vaguely he's aware of voices and people walking towards him though and he hurriedly glances away from the blonde boy, takes his maths book from his locker.

 "Hey Joe." Jack's voice says as he leans against the lockers beside him, his other friends with him

 "Hey guys." Joe smiles, closing his locker and grinning at his friends, Mikey, Oli, Conor and Jack.  ~~~~ ~~~~He glances back over at Caspar, who's looking at him as he leans against his locker. Joe smiles quickly before looking away and he wonders if he's blushing and if it's noticeable.

 "You were quiet at the weekend." Jack says, "Didn't text anyone."

 "Yeah well I have that history essay remember." Joe replies, and he glances back at Caspar's locker but he's gone.

 

/

 

Caspar's in his maths class, sitting at the back, pressed against the wall, shying away from everyone. Joe is across the room, and he can't help glancing across at the blonde as he scrawls numbers in his book. Joe doesn't mind maths, it's easy, better than words and sentences and essays.

Beside Joe is Katie. She's nice, he supposes, pretty smile, nice eyes. She keeps pushing her book nearer Joe's though, asking how to do one thing or another. She might like him, Joe isn't sure, but the idea is weird. He'd rather be next to Caspar, chatting and working out the extension problems together, because Caspar looks like he gets this topic. But Katie is okay too.

 

/

 

"Mate I think that girl next to you in maths likes you." Conor says at lunch time.

"Her name's Katie." Joe replies, "You should know that by now."

"Well are you going to make any moves?"

Joe cringes at the phrase and shrugs, "I'm not really interested."

"Mate come on." Mikey says, "It's been months since you had a girlfriend."

Joe shrugs, and he looks across the cafeteria to where Caspar sits down, alone, and gets out a sandwhich. He looks alone and almost afraid, maybe sad.

"Shall we go play football or something?" Oli asks.

The others all agree and they head outside, Joe pausing at the door to look at Caspar. He wants to talk to him, he does-

"You coming Joe?" Oli asks, stopping and following where Joe was looking, "The new kid?"

"Huh? No, just wondering what other food there is." Joe replies, but he catches Caspar's eye across the room as he says it and his heart is beating heavily.

"You want some?"

Joe shrugs, looks away from Caspar and at Oli, "Nah let's go."

 

/

 

Joe leaves the football game five minutes early, before lunch ends, claiming he needs the loo. He's looking for Caspar though, and his heart drops a bit when he isn't in the cafeteria anymore. He walks through the corridors, finding himself heading for Caspar's locker. He's there, frowning, as he stuffs some books in his locker.

"Hey." Joe says, grinning and leaning against the lockers by Caspar.

"Finally acknowledging me huh?" Caspar says, closing his locker slightly harshly, his eyes, ocean blue, looking coldly at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't want to talk to me when you're with your friends. It's cool I get it." Caspar tells him. But he doesn't sound cool with it at all.

"That's not true." Joe insists, but Caspar just looks at him, with such a look Joe feels his guard fall apart around him, "I'm sorry."

Caspar shrugs, "It's fine, no one wants to be seen with the Tourettes kid."

" _Caspar_." Joe sighs, "That's not fair I don't care about that."

"Yes you do." Caspar says, "You do okay? Even if you personally aren't bothered, you care enough to stay well away when your friends are around. I should've guessed." He turns to go to class.

"Caspar wait." Joe says, but he's watching him walk down the corridor, bag over his back, slightly hunched over like he's ashamed of something. His head shakes once, a twitch, and then he's gone down the stairs. " _Fuck."_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit shorter but the next one should be up in the next couple days idk. Thanks for all the hits and kudos so far, means a lot :)


	3. You're Wasting Your Time On Me

_Joe: Casparrrr_

Joe: _Please don't ignore me_

_Joe: Caspar_

_Joe: Please just meet me tomorrow after school or something. In the park?_

_Joe: Please I want to be your friend I swear_

_Joe: One more chance_

_Joe: You're clearly reading these_

_Joe: Look, fine, I'll be waiting in the park tomorrow after school, rain or shine. I won't leave until it gets dark. Please come._

/\

The read receipts under the texts tell Joe that Caspar has read all of his messages. But he hasn't replied and Joe sighs, rolling over on his bed and facing the wall. He hopes Caspar will meet him tomorrow, because he won't ignore him this time. Maybe he'll talk to him tomorrow at school, in the morning or at lunch or something.

It's late, and he checks his phone for the time- 11pm. He should get ready for bed, despite his history essay still calling from his charging laptop. He ignores it and goes into the bathroom.

By the time Joe is lying in bed, he can't sleep. He guesses he's paranoid, about just how annoyed Caspar is with him, and if he had been really offended when he 'ignored' him, and if he could ever be forgiven. He feels like he and Caspar could be good friends, great friends. They had gotten along well, in the coffee shop after meeting at the library. Joe had made Caspar laugh, and when he laughs his nose wrinkles and he gets dimples in his cheeks and he throws his head back with giggles. And Joe knows it wasn't just his coffee that had warmed him in those moments.

He falls asleep with the memories of Caspar and he in his mind; Caspar's fingers on his paper cup, smiles, shining eyes, the raindrops racing down the widow panes if the coffee shop.

/\

When Joe arrives at school (disappointed to find no new texts from Caspar), he heads straight to the blonde's locker, leaning against it waiting for him. He's early, so he assumes Caspar hasn't actually arrived yet, and re reads his texts to Caspar from last night. It's going to rain this afternoon too, and he hopes that he and Caspar can work something out.

Think of the devil- Caspar comes up the stairs, ear phones in, nodding his head to a song. He slows down when he sees Joe, removes an ear phone and takes his key from his blazer pocket.

"Excuse me." Caspar mutters,

"Hey come on don't ignore me." Joe says, not moving from Caspar's locker.

Caspar sighs, pauses his music completely, "Joe I don't see why you're wasting your time on me. I'm annoying and impatient and clingy and I doubt your friends will like me."

"I don't care, you weren't any of those things the other day at the cafe, we had fun right? We got on well."

Caspar shrugs, "You'll get sick of me, and I'll end up getting hurt, just forget it."

Joe sighs, "Can't you just meet me at the park after school and we can chat properly?" He still refuses to move, looking up at Caspar, his eyes a watery blue.

"Maybe. But I have an English catchup, and it'll rain. I wouldn't wait up for me."

"I'll be there until the sun goes down okay?" Joe says, smiling as Caspar nods.

"Don't if it rains a lot."

"I'll bring a coat."

Caspar sighs, "I'm not worth catching pneumonia, Joe."

"Well then you should come then." Joe replies, moving away from Caspar's locker, Caspar opening it immediately, taking out a couple of books, "I'll talk to you later?"

"Maybe." Caspar replies, closing his locker and walking away, putting his earphones back in. Joe sighs and watches him go, before heading to his own locker.

/\

At lunch time Joe cannot find Caspar in the cafeteria, and when his friends go and play football he tells them he has homework to do, and heads up to the school library to see if Caspar is there.

He is, head bent over some papers, scowling at it in confusion.

"Hey." Joe says quietly, standing over the table.

Caspar looks up, smiles a little, "Hi."

"What are you doing?" Joe asks, sitting down beside him.

"Chemistry." He answers, "It makes no sense."

"Yeah. Was it kind of different in South Africa?"

"A little yeah. I still didn't get it though."

Joe smiles, "Science sucks. I mean, experiments are kind of fun but everything always goes wrong."

Caspar grins, "How am I meant to know the structure of an ionic bond?"

Joe laughs softly, "Can I-" He gestures at the question paper, and Caspar slides it across to him, holding out his pen. As Joe takes it their fingers touch, and something in Joe's chest swells in response and he thinks he's blushing. "Okay so an ionic bond is a giving and receiving of electrons right?"

Caspar nods.

"Right so that means, taking or adding an electron to an atom, causes it to be charged, since electrons are negative."

"Mhm. But how do you draw that?"

Joe shows him the diagram, explaining each part and Caspar finds himself smiling, and leaning closer, somehow, until their shoulders are touching. And then Caspar feels the need to twitch. He tries to ignore the urge but it's like an itch that won't go away and he's lost concentration on what Joe is telling him.

He moves away from Joe, shakes his head weirdly before looking back at him where he's paused what he's saying to look at him. Caspar feels like shrinking inwards on himself.

"Sorry, it's the, Tourettes I-"

"I know, it's fine." Joe says, "You don't need to apologise every time honestly."

Caspar nods, "Okay, I just don't wanna freak you out."

"You're not going to freak me out Cas." Joe says, biting his lip as the nickname slips off his tongue. "Caspar."

"Cas sounds nice, it's cool." Caspar assures, smiling at him, dimples showing, causing Joe to lose his breath.

"Okay." He answers quietly, taking in Caspar's grin a last time before he looks away blushing.

He helps Caspar with a few more questions before they have to head to class, walking together silently.

"Bye then." Caspar says, heading off to his science class while Joe goes to English.

He sees Oli and Conor chatting, the corridors busy now.

"Hey Joe where have you been?" Oli asks.

"I told you I had work to do. I was in the library."

"What work? The history?"

"Yeah." Joe frowns, wondering why he's suddenly getting interrogated.

"But you need your laptop for that right? You didn't bring that today."

"Well I made rough notes for it. What's with the interrogation?"

"Mate, you never do homework at lunch." Conor points out, "We were just thinking there might be a girl involved." He raises his eye brows.

"No!" Joe says, "No, there's no girl I don't even- no." He knows he's blushing and he sighs, "I bumped into the new kid in the library and helped him with his science work okay?"

"You helping someone do work?" Conor says, "Who are you and what have you done with Joe Sugg?"

"Shut up." Joe whispers as people glance over at them. "Caspar's nice and he was really struggling so I thought I'd help."

"But isn't he like, he has some weird thing."

"Tourettes, yes. What difference does it make?"

"I mean, it doesn't, I'm just saying."

Joe shrugs and his class start filing into the room, "Well maybe don't say, Conor. Because he's nice, really nice."

The thoughts of grey blue eyes, bright smiles and embarrassed blushes cause Joe to bite back a smile as he turns away from Oli and Conor and heads to class.

/\

Joe texts Caspar to tell him he'll be waiting in the park, and he sits on a bench in his rain coat and a change of clothes for he went home first, and waits. He plays games on his phone, takes a photo for Instagram, watches people pass by. It isn't raining too badly at first either, just a couple drips but it gets heavier eventually, and by nearly six it's pouring and there are no people around anymore, and he can't play games on his phone incase it gets too wet, but he doesn't want to give up.

Joe's mum texts him, asking where he is and if he wants picking up because of the rain. He explains he's waiting for someone, only for her to insist he comes home.

Begrudgingly, Joe stands from the bench, looks around one last time and heads out the park, walking down the road as the rain pelts down.

"Joe! Wait!"

Joe's heart skips a beat, then beats twice as fast to make up for it as he turns around to find Caspar running towards him.

"I thought you would have left!" Caspar is smiling so softly.

"My mum said I have to go home now." Joe replies, looking up at Caspar who is suddenly close to him, rain drop dripping from his nose, hair soaking since he isn't even wearing a coat.

"Sorry I took so long. I have a lot of work." Caspar says, "You shouldn't have waited out in this."

"I was under a tree, I was sheltered." Joe shrugs, and there is something about Caspar standing so close to him, "Wanna come back to mine?"

Caspar nods, "Or we could just stand out here in the rain gawking at one another for a little longer."

Joe laughs softly, "Did you have lunch?" He asks as they start walking.

"Yeah a sandwich." Caspar answers.

"We could get a fish and chips on the way to mine, it's quite near my house so the fish won't drown in rain water and swim away." Joe suggests, realising the South African may have never had fish and chips before.

"Sure. We'd come to England for holidays and stuff and get fish and chips some of the days."

Joe thinks Caspar must be a mind reader.

"I usually get a jumbo sausage or something." Caspar says.

"You like sausages huh?" Joe smirks and nudges him gently.

"Shut up." Caspar replies nudging slightly more harshly in return. Joe only laughs.

 

The fish and chip shop is a lot warmer than outside, dryer too and Caspar slumps down in one of the chairs. Joe chuckles,

"You have to order before you get that luxury." He tells him, "I'm gonna see if my parents want anything or if they're already making food."

"What if they're making food for you?"

"You need to eat anyway." Joe shrugs.

"Yeah, I should text my dad actually."

Joe notices the guy over the counter is looking at them both weirdly as Joe calls his mum.

"Hey love are you on your way back?" His mother asks.

"Yeah I'm stopping in the fish and chip shop do you want something?"

"Oh I was just discussing ordering a takeaway with your dad, yes please love. Our usuals please, for Zoe aswell?"

"Okay see you soon, oh and a friend's coming back too is that okay?"

Joe can almost hear his mother roll her eyes at his on the spot inviting friends over. "Okay love, see you shortly."

"Bye mum."

Joe orders, as does Caspar and they sit down beside each other. Joe watches the rain pelting down outside.

"Why does it always rain when we're together?" Caspar asks.

"I mean, it rains all the time anyway." Joe replies with a grin, "How's your history essay?"

"It's okay." Caspar says, "I'm on the third paragraph."

Joe sighs, "I'm so done with mine. It gives me a headache."

"I can help." Caspar suggests.

"Yeah?"

"Course." Caspar replies, smiling at Joe for a few moments, and maybe they get lost in each other for a few seconds before the man over the counter says their food is ready.

They speed walk back to Joe's house, sighing and panting in relief when Joe unlocks the door and they shut the cold and wet outside.

"Mum, we're back!" Joe calls, hanging his coat up and slipping off his shoes. Caspar takes his shoes off awkwardly and Joe notices his head shaking (from the rain outside or his Tourettes Joe is unsure).

Joe's mother comes out the kitchen, taking the bag of food from Joe and pausing when she sees Caspar.

"Oh, I don't believe we've met." Tracey says, "I'm Joe's mum but you can call me Tracey."

"Oh sorry mum, this is Caspar." Joe introduces, "He's new at school."

"Well it's nice to meet you Caspar."

Caspar nods awkwardly and follows them into the kitchen to put their food on plates before Joe leads them upstairs.

Caspar likes Joe's room. His uniform is folded over the back of his desk chair, so he must have changed before waiting for Caspar in the park. His bed covers are reasonably plain white with random blue stripes. His wardrobe looks a little full and as if it is about to burst open and there is a guitar in the corner. The desk is mostly tidy, the laptop atop the desk. A large tv is the opposite side of the room to the bed, a games console below it.

Joe sits on the bed and gestures to Caspar to sit beside him, not seeming to care for their wet clothes.

"Sorry if this is weird." Joe says, "I probably should have mentioned to my mum you're a new friend. She probably expected Oli or something."

Caspar nods, "It's fine. I'm surprised you even see me as a friend."

Joe swallows a chip, "Of course we're friends."

"Really?" Caspar asks, smiling slightly. "I only had one friend in South Africa, Josh. I didn't think I'd make anymore, y'know with my Tourettes."

Joe nods, "Well I don't see why it makes any difference."

Caspar wants to say something back, that clearly there is a difference since Joe never hung out with him when his friends are around, but they've already argued over that and Caspar isn't in a mood to argue.

After they have eaten Joe puts the plates on his desk and gets out his laptop.

"When you read through this please don't laugh I can't spell to save my life." Joe tells him, loading up his essay.

The both sit beside each other, head against the pillows on Joe's bed and Joe slides Caspar the laptop. Caspar notices immediately the amount of red squiggly lines under most of the words.

"You know you can right click on the words to get the spelling suggestions." He points out, editing the first few words, his head twitching occasionally but neither mention that and Joe watches him changing a few words, reading through it.

"You know it's not bad Joe." Caspar says, "It's just your spelling and stuff, and y'know, writing more than one page. What you have so far is good."

"Yeah but we only have a week left."

"So? A week is enough, and I can help."

"But don't you have loads of your own work." Joe asks.

"Yeah but, this won't take that long."

Caspar helps Joe write a bit more, building his arguments and getting him to finish the second paragraph.

"Right that's enough I'm bored." Joe says, taking his laptop, saving, and closing the document. "Thank you, though." He looks at Caspar, in his eyes, which are the calmest blue Joe has ever seen and his heart is beating heavily all of a sudden. They're kind of close, and at this distance Joe decides that Caspar is rather beautiful, anyone could see that. He watches Caspar smile and he thinks he's definitely cute too.

He looks away, blushing. "Do you wanna play a video game or something."

They play for a couple of hours, laughing and nudging one another competitively during fifa until Caspar's dad texts him to say he'll pick him up. Caspar texts the address and gets ready to leave.

"I've had a great time, Joe." Caspar says, "Thank you."

Joe smiles, "I've had a good time too."

They look at each other, feeling the buzz between them, the tingles that shoot up their spines. Caspar twitches and looks away, embarrassed.

"Hey." Joe's fingertips touch Caspar's arm softly, causing the blonde to look back, "Stop acting embarrassed all the time, really, it doesn't bother me."

"Yeah it's just, I'm used to being embarrassed by it. I hate it."

Joe doesn't know what to say, but his other hand touches Caspar's other arm, "Well you don't need to hate it when you're with me." He says almost in a whisper.

Caspar smiles slightly, and looks at Joe, his lips close to Joe's nose. "Thanks Joe."

Shyly, Joe drops his hands from Caspar and steps away, hands in his pocket. As the room falls into a silence, the door bell rings.

"That'll be my dad." Caspar says, grabbing his bag and blazer.

Joe leads him out the room and down to the front door where Tracey is speaking to Caspar's father in the hallway.

"Ah there you are." Caspar's dad grins, "Come on then, we'd better get going while the rain's stopped. Thank you for letting him stay at such short notice." He adds, turning to Joe's mother.

"Oh it's fine Joe's always having someone over without warning."

"Bye Joe." Caspar grins.

"See you Caspar."

"Bye."

They walk away down the drive to a standard looking car and Joe shuts the door, an unavoidable smile on his face cheeks glowing a light pink.

"You didn't tell me you'd made a new friend." His mother says at once.

"Oh, well I haven't known Caspar long." Joe replies, "He's nice right?"

"Yes, dear he is." Tracey agrees, "Much different to your other friends. Quieter."

Joe shrugs and rushes up the stairs again, still smiling.

"Who was that?" His sister's voice calls as she emerges out of her room with her empty dinner plate, "A new girlfriend?"

"No!" Joe replies hurriedly, frowning at his older sibling, Zoe "You know it was a guy."

"Then why were you smiling so goofily?" Zoe is smirking, the way she does when she knows something Joe doesn't.

"I'm not." Joe replies adamantly, "Anyway what's wrong with smiling?"

"You know you can tell me anything bro." Zoe reminds him, "It's ok."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Joe replies, stumbling past his sister and into his room. He collapses on his bed dramatically, his smile fallen because maybe he does know what Zoe is talking about. And maybe it is impossible to avoid this time round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took kinda a long time (oops) but it's quite long eh. Hope you enjoyed it, pls leave kudos and comments. Also I already have 300 hits so tysm x


	4. Caspar Is Different

Tourettes ch 4

The football tryout list is up on the wall, and Joe looks through the scribbled names, almost hopefully.

"Joe you've been looking at that everyday what is wrong with you?" Oli asks him after the third day of staring at it like it might burst into flames or something.

"Huh? Nothing." Joe replies, looking away from the notice board. "Just, Caspar mentioned he was gonna sign up when we were talking the other day but he hasn't done it yet."

"You and Caspar are suddenly best friends now huh?"

Joe flushes as they walk down the corridor to their next lesson. "Nah but we get along well."

"Well so long as I'm not replaced." Oli jokes and waves goodbye as his class is going in.

Joe continues walking to his history class, and he pauses, seeing Caspar leaning against the wall, away from the others, scrolling through his phone. Joe hates to see him alone.

"Boo!" Joe says as he reaches his, smiling widely.

Caspar looks up and smiles, "Hi." He turns off his phone and puts it back in his pocket, "You okay?"

"Yeah. You still haven't signed up for the football team. The tryouts are this lunch."

"Well I don't know Joe." Caspar replies, "I doubt you'll want the Tourettes kid on your team. You and the others."

"We don't care about that. Just come along and try, we'll judge you purely on your football skills, I promise." Joe looks at the blonde so hopefully, eyes wide and pleading, and Caspar forgets what he's even being asked for a second. 

"Maybe." Caspar says, glancing towards the class where everyone is now filing in. Joe smiles to himself.

History class is just continuing their essays in silence, and the thought alone gives Joe a headache. He rambles on about some stuff though, aware of clicking noises coming from the other side of the room, probably Caspar and he glances back at him, watching him frowning at his screen, head twitching occasionally.

"Joe face the front." Their teacher says. Flushing, Joe turns back round, staring at the words on the screen.

Caspar still makes a few noises, and Joe can tell how hard he is trying to hide them, without even looking at him. And eventually the teacher goes over to him and speaks to him so quietly that Joe cannot hear. But he guesses easily what the words were as Caspar stands up, taking his laptop outside and a chair, the teacher following with a spare desk from the front of the room.

Joe frowns. The teacher comes back in, rubbing his brow.

"Sir." He says very quietly, but the teacher hears, frowns and goes over to him,

"How can I help Joe?"

"Can I move outside? Keep Caspar company, I don't mind his Tourettes." He speaks quietly, aware that all eyes are suddenly on him.

"Joseph you're under exam conditions, we can't have two people outside without supervision. Get on with your essay, please."

People are still staring at him and Joe knows he's bright red and he cannot focus on anything anymore.

/

"I can't believe that. Moving you out the class, no one was bothered at all. I offered to sit with you and he refused. Honestly I feel like never entering his classroom again, fucking-"

"Joe." Caspar says exasperatedly, "Its fine I'm used to it."

"But you shouldn't be. It's not fair, you shouldn't stand for it. Anyone that complains should move outside-"

"Just drop it." Caspar's voice rises slightly and he stops, turning to Joe, "Just leave it. It is fair, I'll just annoy people, disturb everyone's concentration, I'm annoying and I know it. There's nothing that can be done." Caspar shakes his head suddenly, looking away from the shorter boy.

"Caspar." Joe's fingers shakily touch the boy's blazer, "You shouldn't have to be used to that, okay, that's not fair." His fingers tighten around the material, "You're not annoying, you're not, you're-"

A few kids rush passed them, nudging Joe's small figure down to the floor. 

"Watch where you're going!" Joe says, standing up and brushing himself down.

"Are you okay?" Caspar asks.

"Yeah fine." 

"Well I have to get to science, so."

"Okay, I'll see you at the tryouts at lunch?"

"Maybe." Caspar replies, smiling and walking away into the hustle of students down the hall.

/ 

The weather is nice outside, for once, when Joe and his friends head out on the pitch where a few kids are waiting to try for the team. There's a gentle breeze, but the sky is bright and clear.

Caspar isn't here, and he still hasn't written his name on the list. Maybe he won't come.

Some of the guys that try out are good, some not so. They do tackles and penalty shootouts.

"Connor was good." Jack says as he heads to pack up the footballs. "And Tyler, that kid Dan was pretty shit though."

Joe had been quiet, over lunch and Oli frowns. "Mate are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just, we shouldn't pack up yet Jack, there might be someone else." 

"Hmm, well there's no one else on the list, and I'm not hanging around here when I could be getting some food." Jack continues to place the footballs in a bag, Conor and Mikey start collecting the small cones.

"He'll be here." Joe insists.

"He? Who's 'he'?" Jack asks, "Not that weird kid who cowers in the corner of the classroom. We aren't having him on the team Joe."

"But he's good at football." Joe says, although he can't be sure because he has never actually seen Caspar play. "He'll come I swear."

"Well he didn't sign up so he can't try out." Jack says, doing up the bag and making for the end of the pitch.

"Hey Joe." Oli says, staring into the distance, "Is that him?" 

Joe grins suddenly, as a tall blonde, bag slung over his shoulder, saunters across the playground.

"Yes. Jack I told you, come back!" Joe rushes after him, grabs Jack's arm, "Look he's coming."

"But he didn't sign up and I'm hungry!" Jack replies, shoving off Joe's arm, "I don't see why you're so obsessed with that kid."

"Because he's just like everyone else and you all fail to see it." Joe says, staring at Jack so intently, so closely, Joe thinks he could probably kiss him, "Please?" He pouts his bottom lip and Jack sighs.

"Fine." Jack drops the bag strap off his shoulder, giving in to Joe's eyes and feeling helplessly mesmerised by his lips. "But I'm sure he won't be as great as you seem to think." Jack looks at Joe one last time, so close, breath on his face before walking back down the field to the others.

Remembering how to breathe, Joe turns to see Caspar a metre away, paused, looking between Joe and the space Jack had occupied. The space where Jack had been so close to Joe, where Jack had been breathing into Joe's face, looking at his lips, and Joe, Joe had done the same.

"Hey." Joe grins, "Come on."

"Sorry I'm late." Caspar says, "So much work."

"Yeah. This can help take your mind off it?"

Caspar nods and follows Joe onto the pitch, dumping his bag amongst the others'.

"Hi." He smiles awkwardly around at everyone, and shrugs off his blazer, "I don't have my kit but-"

"It's okay." Joe says quickly, and he can feel Oli looking in confusion. He turns to the bag of footballs and gets one out, "Come on Cas, penalties first."

Caspar turns to be really good at football. He tackles Jack and scores passed Joe in goal. He weaves in and out the cones, which Conor and Mikey had set up again, with such ease even Jack is impressed.

"Not bad." Jack says after Caspar dribbles the ball around the last few cones. "Thanks for coming." He adds, muttering, and packing away the football, disappearing with the bag down the field. Conor and Mikey take the cones, and Oli follows after them, his bag slung over his shoulder. Joe waits while Caspar puts back his blazer.

"You're amazing!" Joe says, breaking the silence between them.

"I'm okay." Caspar says humbly, his cheeks tinted red. His nose twitches, like he's trying to dispel an itch.

"Now you're amazing. Thank you for coming." Joe insists, his fingers on Caspar's blazer again, watching the breeze push through Caspar's hair.

"It's fine." Caspar replies softly, noticing the blues and greens of Joe's eyes and deciding they are the most beautiful he has ever seen. Another urge to twitch his head finds it's way, niggling into his mind and he moves away from Joe, twitching as he picks up his bag.

Joe watches, frowns sadly, wishing Caspar didn't feel the need to look away when he twitches like that. Then he picks up his own school bag, and walks by Caspar's side back to the school building, chattering aimlessly. 

And Joe decides being around Caspar is different to anyone else, that laughing feels brighter and his heart feels warmer when Caspar is with him. And it is in those moments, Joe notices the butterflies when Caspar laughs at him, the tingles when Caspar touches his shoulder and drags him to get food, leaving Joe, red and giggly, stumbling behind him. In those moments Joe knows that Caspar makes him feel like no one else ever could. And the reality makes his heart twist anxiously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, had a bit of writer's block.


	5. Maybe He’s Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is in the school library. He has ear phones in, and he taps his pen repeatedly against his work book as he bops his head to whatever he is listening to. Joe finds himself smiling a little. The library atmosphere is calmer than the cafeteria, and Joe is relieved when his breathing returns to normal. His world seems to steady once he sees Caspar.
> 
> He walks towards him briskly, wanting to sit beside him, where the world will calm even still. Caspar only looks up at him when Joe pulls out a chair at the table he sits at. He smiles when he sees him, and the last of Joe’s panic and worry fades to nothing. Caspar removes both his earphones too.

“We aren’t putting him on the team, Joe!” Jack says, for probably the a thousandth time.

The group sit around a table in the cafeteria, sorting the football team.

“Why?” Joe says, “You saw him, he’s great. We need him.” He holds Jack’s gaze then, his icy blue eyes strangely burning into Jack’s green-blue ones.

Jack blinks eventually. His cheeks are red and he looks away, at the rest of their friends at the table who look mildly confused. “Okay.” He says, “But what if he has a weird twitch or something and causes the other team to score.”

Joe sighs, he glances at Oli in hopes that may he could back him up. “Don’t be ridiculous Jack. Caspar’s great, you’d know it if you hung out with him a bit.”

Jack looks at Joe again. His eyes are cold and harsh, “I don’t want to hang out with him.”

Joe finds he cannot take this anymore. Cannot take one single second of Jack’s attitude. He stands, dramatically, his chair scraping across the cafeteria floor, which strangely commands silence throughout the room. All eyes are on him for a moment, hundreds of curious eyes. He tuts, walks out quickly, hating the feel of them all watching, like an itch that won’t go away. He’s glad when he leaves the room.

He finds that he is heading to the library before he’s really thought about where to go. He knows Caspar will probably be there and he hasn’t seen him all morning. He does not want Caspar to think he doesn’t like him anymore or something. Caspar seems to think that a lot.

Joe is right though, he is in the school library. He has ear phones in, and he taps his pen repeatedly against his work book as he bops his head to whatever he is listening to. Joe finds himself smiling a little. The library atmosphere is calmer than the cafeteria, and Joe is relieved when his breathing returns to normal. His world seems to steady once he sees Caspar.

He walks towards him briskly, wanting to sit beside him, where the world will calm even still. Caspar only looks up at him when Joe pulls out a chair at the table he sits at. He smiles when he sees him, and the last of Joe’s panic and worry fades to nothing. Caspar removes both his earphones too.

“Hey.” He says, he goes into his pocket and takes out his phone, pauses his music. Joe notices a 5 seconds of summer song was playing. He smiles, he likes their music too.

“Hi, you, don’t have to turn your music off because of me.” Joe tells him. Caspar shrugs.

“Aren’t you meant to be choosing the football team?” Caspar asks. He puts his pen down. Joe notices he’s doing English work, he won’t be much help with that. He shrugs in response to Caspar.

“Jack and I had a kind of, disagreement.” He explains vaguely.

“Is Jack the one who’s in love with you?”

Joe flushes red, splutters slightly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Caspar watches him, slightly amused. He’s never seen Joe so red and flustered, “I think you do.”

Joe sighs and shakes his head, “He’s not in love with me, I’m not, we aren’t-“

“Alright.” Caspar says, still amused, but he knows he’s right, he’s seen how Jack looks ar Joe, “What did you disagree about?”

Joe wanders whether to tell the perfect truth, for a moment, but he doesn’t, “We had different opinions on one of the players. Jack didn’t want him on the team but I know we need him.”

Perhaps it’s the way Joe looks at Caspar, that tells the blonde they were arguing over him, “Was it about me?” He asks.

Joe hesitates, before nodding slowly, “Jack’s just being, Jack.” He explains, vaguely again, because really he isn’t sure how to explain Jack’s behaviour sometimes.

Caspar grins, taking Joe by surprise, “Maybe he’s jealous.”

Joe rolls his eyes, nudges him, “He’s not in love with me.”

“Uh huh and you’re going to ace your history essay.” Caspar retorts, earning a gasp and a slightly harsher shove from Joe. Caspar laughs.

/

They head to class after lunch side by side. Joe feels partly bad, because Caspar had done no work since he’d arrived in the library. But Caspar assured him he wouldn’t have done any even if Joe hadn’t been there.

Joe sees Jack, and Mikey and Conor on his way to class, and now he feels weird, about Jack, because maybe, he realises, maybe Caspar is right. And that should make him feel happy, really, but it doesn’t and he feels guilty for that. The last thing he wants is to hurt Jack.

He and Caspar have history next, though, and he finds he forgets about Jack after that.

“You better not be kicked out the class today. I will literally riot.” Joe says. He notices how he and Caspar’s shoulders bump together as they reach the class room. It makes him feel funny.

“Joe.” Caspar sighs, “I hope you will just leave it be, please.”

“But why?” Joe argues, “They treat you horribly, you shouldn’t stand for it Cas!”

Caspar smiles a little at the nickname, “Joe, it’s okay.” Their eyes meet, and Joe holds Caspar’s gaze for some moments. Caspar’s eyes are beautiful. He finds himself giving in.

“Fine. But I’m not happy about it.”

Caspar doesn’t get sent out this time, much to Joe’s relief, but he thinks that maybe Caspar being there is just as distracting, because he cannot help but glance over at him occasionally. Caspar is fascinating to watch.

His nose wrinkles often, and Joe isn’t sure if it is the Tourettes or just how he concentrates. Sometimes he frowns, his brow creasing, his bottom lip pouting. Somehow it makes Joe smile.

/

Joe finds Caspar on the way out of school too. It’s nice to see him, amongst the wind and clouds of the afternoon, Caspar brings sunshine to the day.

“Are you walking home?” Joe asks. He notices, again, that their shoulders are close, he let’s their arms bump together again, the touch is nice.

“Yeah, I’ll walk with you.” Caspar agrees.

“Walk?” Joe cracks a smile, “Oh no, we’ve got to get you into shape. If you’re joining the football team.”

Caspar laughs, “I’m not running with you Joe.”

Joe, beaming like it’s Christmas day ignores him, tugs at his wrist, begins to drag him down the road outside the school building, running.

“Joe!” Caspar yells, running also, else his arm would probably be ripped off.

Joe laughs, let’s go, slowly, of Caspar’s blazer, “Come on.” He yells.

They don’t look back, at everyone they run passed, everyone who looks at them with annoyance or confusion. They also don’t see Jack, who’d also just come out of school, who usually walks home with Joe. He watches he and Caspar run off together, to him it looks as though they were holding hands. His heart fills with anger and hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I had writers block and I’ve had exams and stuff. Hopefully this is okay. It’s not that long and idk if it’s moving the plot to fast but I hope you enjoyed it! Xx


	6. A Reason He Doesn't Truly Like Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing is he could have liked Jack. He always sort-of did. Jack’s beautiful. And he’s hot and funny and goofy. Sometimes he thinks the best thing to come out of being in the football team is that he can watch Jack running around in shorts, blowing the whistle when he’s refereeing. He can even tackle Jack while he’s wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Because Jack is kind of perfect. Almost too perfect.
> 
> He glances back down the corridor that Caspar has disappeared from.
> 
> There’s a reason he doesn’t truly like Jack.

“You’re in the team.” Joe says the next morning when he meets Caspar by the locker, “I mean, you’re meant to check the list outside the PE office, but you don’t need to. Because you’re in.”

“I’m not just there because you pity me or something right?”

Joe almost rolls his eyes. “You’re there because you’re a good player. And we need you. You’re fast, you’re agile. You’re _skilled_ , Cas.”

Caspar sort of sniggers. Brushes off the compliment, “Joe come on.”

Joe nudges him lightly in the shoulder with his hand. “I’m being honest, you muppet.” And then he leaves his hand there. On Caspar’s shoulder where he nudged him. For a moment. He likes his hand there. Keeping Caspar close. Feeling him just right there, under his touch. Then he drops his hand.

“Well thank you.” Caspar tells him. Then he smiles. Bright and wide. He has dimples when he smiles. Joe leans against the lockers.

“Practise is tomorrow after school. You can make it, right?”

Caspar grins at him. He stuffs some books in his locker then closes it. “Course.”

“Hey Joe!” Jack appears from behind him, slides an arm over his shoulder. He pauses and looks at Caspar for a strangely long moment. “Hi Caspar.”

Caspar smiles awkwardly, casts Joe a side glance. A He’s-Totally-Jealous kind of glance. Joe shakes his head a small fraction, so Jack doesn’t see it.

“Congrats on making the team.” Jack adds eventually. There’s an almost bitterness in his voice that makes Joe want to push Jack away from him.

Caspar nods, “Thanks. I um, I have to go and, talk to a teacher.” Caspar backs away slowly, “See you later Joe.”

Joe waves sort of pathetically, and watches as Caspar turns and walks down the corridor.

“Shall we go see the others?” Jack asks. His arm is still around Joe’s shoulders and Joe just lets it stay there.

The thing is he could have liked Jack. He always sort-of did. Jack’s beautiful. And he’s hot and funny and goofy. Sometimes he thinks the best thing to come out of being in the football team is that he can watch Jack running around in shorts, blowing the whistle when he’s refereeing. He can even tackle Jack while he’s wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Because Jack is kind of perfect. Almost too perfect.

He glances back down the corridor that Caspar has disappeared from.

There’s a reason he doesn’t truly like Jack.

 

 

Joe and Caspar have history before lunch. It’s another quiet, work in silence kind of lesson. And maybe Joe glances at Caspar a few times. But that’s not important. At the end of the lesson they walk out together.

“Are you going to the library again?” Joe asks. Because he wants to know where Caspar is going to be… if he needs him? Or something. He just wants to know.

“Yeah, why?”

Joe shrugs. He looks at Caspar again. His twitches weren’t so bad in history today. Maybe he’s not so stressed now. Settling into the school and all that.

“You’re always up there. It’s like you’ll never catch up on the school work.”

Caspar shrugs, “I’m kind of just going over stuff. Making sure I get it. I don’t have anywhere else to go. No friends or anything.”

“Sit with me. And the guys.” Joe suggests. He can’t not ask, can he? Caspar literally admitted he has no friends.

“Are you sure?”

They slow down their walking pace. Joe looks up at him. He’s really gorgeous. Pretty.

“Course I’m sure. And you do have friends. I’m right here.”

“Why though?”

“Hmm?”

“Why are you here? I’m, I’m really not that important.”

Joe does stop walking then. “Yes, you are.”

Caspar stops too. They let other students pass them to get lunch. “But why? You’re the popular kid and I’m the weirdo at the back of the class-“

Joe puts a hand on Caspar’s shoulder again. Like he had in the morning by the lockers. “You’re not weird. And when I’m with you…” He drops his hand from Caspar. Sort of embarrassed. “With you I don’t feel like that one annoying popular kid.”

Caspar looks at him. Really looks at him. Joe isn’t sure that anyone has ever looked at him like that. So totally. It’s like Caspar is capturing a picture of him in his mind. And then it’s like he can’t really believe Joe is there, saying that. He blushes and smiles a little.

“Joe…”

“I’m hungry.” Joe cuts off whatever he was going to say. He almost can’t breathe. With Caspar this close, talking so softly, earnestly. “Come on!”

 

Jack isn’t there when Joe and Caspar arrive at the lunch table. Everyone else is. They watch Joe sit down and pat the space beside him for Caspar. Caspar sits down awkwardly, places his sandwich on the table. Everyone is quiet.

“I said Caspar can sit with us.” Joe explains vaguely. Like it’s not important. Which it isn’t.

“I feel like I’m invading maybe I should just-“ Caspar goes to stand but joe grabs his upper arm, gently.

“No.” Joe tells him. “Don’t be ridiculous.” He doesn’t know what makes him do it, but he nudges his foot against Caspar’s under the table. His heart sort of flutters, when Caspar moves his leg to touch Joe’s too.

“So I have nowhere to sit?” Jack’s voice says from the end of the table upon arriving. He clutches orange juice under one arm, a sandwich in his hand.

Joe rolls his eyes, swallows his mouthful and gestures to a table with spare seats, “Just grab another chair and sit at the end, Jack.”

Jack frowns but he doesn’t argue. He just does as Joe says and dumps the chair rather harshly on the floor at the end of the table.

 

The next day, Caspar eats with them at lunch too. And Jack is late again and drags over a chair. And Joe’s leg is pressed up against Caspar’s again. And when they play a playful game of football after they’ve eaten, he’s sort of distracted. Because Caspar moves the ball so seamlessly, dodges the opposition like it’s nothing. And he scores, and Joe finds himself in Caspar’s arms cheering and whooping for him. When they both let go Joe looks around at the other team and he catches Jack’s eyes. He’s staring at him, arms folded, expression blank.

After school they’re all in the changing rooms. Joe and Caspar are last to arrive. Because Joe had waited outside geography for Caspar, so they could walk down together. Jack is staring at them again. And Joe feels uncomfortable under his gaze, when he removes his school shirt and replaces it with his pe t-shirt.

On the pitch, Joe finds himself watching Caspar again. He’s just so perfect. It’s actually unfair. Because Caspar really is skilled and agile and fast, and it sort of makes Joe out of breath just watching him. The way the wind rustles his shirt. The way he frowns in concentration.

At one point he has to tackle him. But it’s hard because Caspar makes eye contact with him. And they’re close and he’s grinning. It’s distracting. He loses the ball. He hears Jack shout something at him. But he ignores him. He’s so warm from all the running, and his face is flushed from Caspar so close, and he’s flustered, and he can’t think.

When practise is ended, Jack sends most people in, starts clearing up.

“Jack, why don’t me and Caspar clear up the stuff.” Gently, Joe prizes the cones from Jack’s hands, “You always do it.”

“I don’t mind.” He says blankly. His face is close to Joe’s. His eyes are green, and sort of blue too. Joe blinks hurriedly.

“It’s fine.” He forces a smile, “Go, go on.”

Jack looks at him. Then he looks at Caspar. He’s hesitating. It’s like he wants to say no but he can’t really. He bites his lip, nods.

“Alright. Thanks.” He says. He pats Joe on the shoulder, then jogs back up the field.

Caspar’s smiling as he watches him leave.

“What?” Joe asks, looking up at him from bending down to pick up a cone.

“He’s so fucking jealous. And it’s funny.”

Joe gives him a look. But he doesn’t really want to object because Jack _is_ acting weird. And he doesn’t want Jack to like him. It’s weird. He should want it. But then he looks at Caspar, grinning as the breeze jostles his hair, bristles through his t-shirt, rustles his shorts. Maybe if he never met Caspar he’d have kissed Jack by now. Maybe. Perhaps. Or maybe not.

When he doesn’t reply Caspar collects the footballs around the field. And Joe collects the cones, at a dawdling pace glancing occasionally at Caspar. By the time Joe has stacked all the cones, Caspar is jogging back over to him, one football under his shoulder, the rest in the bag.

Joe watches him, waits for him to put the football away. But he doesn’t. He just grins, widely, cheekily, like he’s up to something.

“Are you gonna put the ball away or…”

“Oh no, you’ve got to come and get it.” Caspar smirks, drops the bag and runs off with the ball.

“Cas.” Joe rolls his eyes.

But then he chases after him, sprinting across the field after Caspar, managing to catch up with him and grab him from behind. His arms are wrapped around Caspar and slip down to his belly.

“Joe!” Caspar’s panting, trying to struggle against Joe’s arms.

They stumble. And then they’re falling, giggling to the floor. Caspar lets go of the football and they let it roll away from them. Joe doesn’t move to get it, because he’s lying right on top of Caspar, their faces close. Their legs are intertwined. Joe can’t breathe. He’s forgotten how to. Like his brain isn’t working. Caspar’s chest is heaving under him, pressing against his own. He can feel Caspar’s breath on his face as he pants.

It’s impossible not to stare at Caspar up close like this. He’s perfect. Sort of blurred this close, his eyes flickering around Caspar’s face to focus on each part, slowly, taking in every tiny perfect part of him. Every detail. From the exact icy blue colour in his eyes to the exact places his dimples show, to the small mole on his jawline. Everything. It’s so beautifully Caspar.

Caspar pushes him off his body gently. He stands up and shakes his head free of any twitches or ticks. Joe clambers up and watches him. When Caspar looks round, his cheeks are flushing red. For a moment they are almost frozen like that, just watching each other. Then Joe remembers the football, looks away and hurries over to it, picking it up and putting into the bag.

“You’re carrying those.” Carelessly, he chucks the bag over at Caspar.

Caspar smiles and catches them. They walk up the field quietly, return the equipment, then get changed in silence too. As he changes Joe wonders if he’s messed everything up. If Caspar thinks he’s a creep now. Because that was probably the gayest thing Joe has ever done out in the open. So, Caspar’s probably freaked out by it. He keeps glancing over at him, wondering if he’s annoyed.

But when they’re both changed, and Joe goes to leave, Caspar says, “Do you wanna go for a coffee?”

So he can’t have been that weird.

 

 

The coffee shop is quiet. The sound of a coffee machine and soft conversations from tables across from them like a hum in the back ground. Joe looks across the booth at Caspar. He feels warm. Tingly. And Joe knows it isn’t his coffee making him feel like that because he has barely drunk any yet.

“You were great today.” He tells Caspar.

Caspar’s wearing a grey, zipped hoodie across from him. His hair is a little dishevelled, like he hasn’t checked it in the mirror since practise. It doesn’t matter though. He looks cute. And sleepy. His cheeks are a little red. He gives a small smile.

“Thanks.” He says. He lifts his coffee to his lips, sips a little bit, the puts it back down. “You were good too.”

Joe laughs softly, looks down at the table. He doesn’t know why he feels nervous. He has spent so much time with him now, he should be comfortable. But he’s thinking, about the stuff he’s never told anyone. And feelings and butterflies and the way he was lying on top of Caspar like that-

“Thank you for encouraging me to join.” Caspar says. When Joe looks up at him, he notices the blues of his eyes and how he could go swimming in them. “I’ve had fun today.”

Joe can’t help but smile. It’s sort of impossible not to smile around Caspar. He’s just so bright, and present and full of energy and excitement. And he’s handsome, and cute and he makes Joe feel giddy. He bites his lip, looks briefly away from his new friend.

“Good.” Joe replies. He hurriedly sips his coffee, takes a too big gulp so the liquid sort of burns.

“Hot?” Caspar asks teasingly. Joe looks at him. He’s raising his eyebrows. And he’s sort of smirking.

Joe laughs a little, “Shut up.”

But they’re both sort of laughing quietly.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

But it makes Caspar laugh more. He shakes his head free of a twitch and pauses laughter for a second. He glances at Joe, but his expression is unchanged, still feigning annoyance and it makes Caspar laugh again. And it’s weird, and amazing and special. To have someone not even blink at his Tourette’s. And then he feels warm inside too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo after getting over 4 months of writers block (oops but in my defense I have a hella lot of fics on the go, on here and wattpad) I loved writing this chapter. I started with the last scene bc I didn't know how to start it and then bOOM I got my flare for the story back? And I feel like this is the best written chapter yet, and probably the longest.
> 
> But anyway, I'm so glad I have finally updating his for you. Just a lil' bit of self promo, I've posted a one shot that's 19k words full of jasper angst, and a two-parter about their road trip if you're interested
> 
> But yeah I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Comments and kudos are v v v appreciated xxx


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